he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
