WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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