I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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