I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize