She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
