I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
