i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
