So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Randomize
