drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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