Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
