I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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