I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
