When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
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