Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
My first STD was from a foam party
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
