What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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