I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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