What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
