I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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