it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
