I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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