If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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