A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I have demons in me.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Such a big mess for such a small penis
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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