Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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