Your face is a jimmy john
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
