i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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