Kareoke will never be a sober sport
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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