Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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