Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
vagina is talking i cant
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
