from now on my penis is your penis
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
