he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
My penis needs a shock collar
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
