You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Randomize
