I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
