Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
