1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
