she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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