Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
