So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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