i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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