He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
