you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
COCAINE IS GR8
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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