Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
