Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
