He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
