you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize
