I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
