Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
