is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
