He uses pillows to masturbate.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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