they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
