last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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