she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
