the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
