Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
