I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
