I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
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