I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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