Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
