Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
