I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
