my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
