Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
