I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Randomize
