I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
