Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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