carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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