I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
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