They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
