I need help removing her.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
