i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
