So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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