girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
it's great music for shaving your balls
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
