But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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