He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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