the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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