I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
