Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
