I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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