We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
We were destined to go to rehab together
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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