You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
